By Virginia Wolf, retired Unitarian Universalist minister
I am a Unitarian Universalist (UU)-Buddhist. As a retired UU minister, I continue to believe in the truths of all religions. I am a Buddhist because I find Buddhist teachings especially compelling and because Buddhism gives me a spiritual practice—that of meditation and mindfulness. There is no conflict between the two faith traditions and many commonalities, chiefly the belief in “the inherent worth and dignity of every person” (the first UU principle) and Buddha-nature (the true nature of our mind as pure, right from the beginning). In other words, both UUs and Buddhists believe that all people come into this world good and deserve to have their goodness nurtured. This includes members of the LGBTQ+ community, like me.
This year, 2024, marks the 10-year anniversary of marriage equality for LGBTQ+ people in Wisconsin. This is a legal right we haven’t always had, and we aren’t assured that it will continue into the future.
Eight couples engaged in a lawsuit (Wolf v. Walker) filed by the ACLU and the law firm of Mayer Brown to convince the federal courts to recognize and legalize the commitment of many LGBTQ+ people. The change happened in stages in 2014, with the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Wisconsin ruling for marriage equality in June, the Seventh Court of Appeals in Chicago ruling for equality in September, and finally the United States Supreme Court refused to hear the cases of lower courts on October 6, 2014. This refusal let the rulings of the lower courts stand, and marriage equality in Wisconsin was granted! Federal protections became available the following year as a result of the Obergefell v Hodges case. There are 200 Wisconsin marital rights, protections, and benefits, and over 1,000 federal ones.
Let me use examples from my relationship with my wife, Carol Schumacher, to explain why marriage equality is important. I am a retired professor of English and a retired UU minister. Carol was City Clerk, Election Specialist, and then a counselor at UW-Eau Claire before she retired. Before we were married, Carol and I had several difficult experiences with medical emergencies. Here are two examples: 1) Once, I was in the emergency room with tachycardia, and the nurse wouldn’t let Carol be with me because we were not related; 2) Another time I got caught in a rip tide, and Carol saved me, but then she wasn’t allowed to accompany me in the ambulance to the hospital because we were not family. Yet we will have been together 49 years in December, we own together a home and its contents and two cars, have all our finances in both names, have reared two children and helped with the rearing of five grandchildren, have wills and estate planning, and insurance, and retirement accounts for which we are each other’s beneficiary. We also have powers of attorney for healthcare and finances for each other to try to ensure we can take care of each other. Unfortunately, in emergency situations, we sometimes didn’t have these papers on us. Another benefit we missed out on is the right to have just one health insurance policy. Carol had to work to have health insurance and couldn’t stay home with the children when they were young. Her health insurance wasn’t as good as mine, so we had to pay for some services covered by mine. If I had died, she wouldn’t have gotten my health insurance. She also might not have been able to make end-of-life arrangements for me. Married, we have all of these protections. Furthermore, our relationship now has more legitimacy and respectability, and our experiences of homophobia have lessened.
The other couples had the same and additional problems. Two men involved in a long-term relationship wanted to adopt three children. They could not do so together, so one adopted one child and the other two children, but they worried that if one of them died, the other would have no claim to his children. Now both their names are on the children’s adoption papers. Two women wanted a child, one of them got pregnant, but delivered early. The other had been assured ahead of time that she would have access to mother and child, but she did not. The baby was in the neonatal unit, and the mother was rushed to the operating room because she was bleeding excessively. The woman had to leave the hospital and find a lawyer to see her partner and baby. Another couple had a disabled child, and the mother had to stay home to care for her. Her wife could not get her or the child on her health insurance because they were not married. Several couples had really difficult medical emergencies. In one case, a woman was in a coma and her partner of 25 years could not make decisions for her. In another, a man was unconscious and needed surgery, and his partner could not give permission. All of these couples are upstanding citizens with good jobs who own their homes. Six of the eight have children. All were gainfully employed and active in their communities and churches. It seems singularly unfair that they were not able to protect themselves with the legal status of marriage.
Since we are all married now, all of these problems have gone away. But in this climate, we worry that the right to marry might be taken away. Clarence Thomas recommended in the Dobbs decision that the Supreme Court look again at the decision to legalize same-sex marriage, and various state courts are challenging this right, even the right to say “gay.” I write this piece to ask for your support for maintaining this right. If you want any more information or want to talk about this issue, please contact me. If you’d like to arrange a panel or forum or discussion about same-sex marriage, I would be happy to help you.
We want people to remember that marriage equality is a right our community fought for and won and to consider that it is a right that could be taken away if conservative courts decide to rule against us. We believe it’s crucial to celebrate our past victories, both to remember how important they were and to inspire us to continue to work to keep this right in the future, should that be necessary. We are thankful for those faith communities like the UUs and the Buddhists and many others who support our right to marry, recognizing the injustice of depriving couples who care for and love each other of the protections and benefits provided by legal marriage.