By Lidixe Montoya, Lynn Buske, and Ginny Close
JONAH has been a welcoming organization for many years with many kind-hearted members wanting to intentionally be welcoming. What we’ve learned in our 17 years of experience about this is that good intentions are wonderful but ultimately the welcomed, not the welcomer, is the one who defines how well they feel welcomed. (This is similar to the concept of ally – minority groups call you an ally before you identify yourself as their ally.)
Webster defines ‘welcoming’ as: “behaving in a polite or friendly way to a guest or new arrival.”
This definition is common Anglo practice, but is it truly welcoming? Also, underlying the definition seems to be an unconscious (or conscious) assumption of allowing people to participate in Anglo ways of being, instead of recognizing the individual inherent right to co-create community together.
Similarly, ‘inclusion’ on Webster is: “not excluding any of the parties or groups involved in something.”
This indicates there is already something to exclude people from – which follows there is the power to do that, which is a privileged notion. The belief that someone has the power and right to say someone else can or cannot live somewhere, or at all, or have x but not y, is a belief of people in the position of privilege.
This is similar to American views on land ownership. The land we all live on is the sacred ancestral land of the Ojibwe and Dakota Indigenous peoples. It is stolen land, or at least land that belongs to no one, and Anglo culture behaves as if it is owned and they have the power to decide who can live here.
Real inclusion is recognizing the whole person and validating the need for their unique contributions to making our community whole. Adapting the “table” with every person who arrives.
Again, the person receiving the welcome or inclusion is the one who defines its meaning. The feelings of the welcomer are not more important than the person being welcomed. The person being welcomed is the one that must feel welcomed. It doesn’t matter our intent or understanding if the person in fact does not feel welcome. We must understand what being truly welcoming really means before we can say we are welcoming and invite vulnerable people into spaces. Otherwise it can cause more harm.
Some of these terms around compassion and welcome have been weaponized. We, the women writing this article, would like to move towards ideal definitions that help inform, re-educate, and bring in, and do not separate, trigger, or shame. We like the JEDI model.
No, not Star Wars, but a growing term that contains Justice, Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion. These words may hold connotations for people that initially cause retreat or anger, but feel the justice clarifies why the others, which are beautiful words, are needed. We hope these below definitions, from inclusionhub.com open up to deeper grounded understandings.
The goal is to “encompass the symbiotic relationship, philosophy and culture of acknowledging, embracing, supporting, and accepting those of all racial, sexual, gender, religious and socioeconomic backgrounds, among other differentiators.”
- Justice “is the mission of equity, in which an equitable system works so well it eventually eliminates the systemic problems driving the need for the latter. In other words, everything is fairly and evenly distributed to people no matter their race, gender, physical ability, or other personal circumstances.”
- Equity involves “providing resources according to the need to help diverse populations achieve their highest state of health and other functioning.”
- Diversity refers to the “representation or composition of various social identity groups in a work group, organization, or community.”
- Inclusion “strives for an environment that offers affirmation, celebration, and appreciation of different approaches, styles, perspectives, and experiences.”
This year marks our (collective Chippewa Valley) inaugural year, led by Welcoming New Neighbors – umbrellaed by JONAH, of Welcoming Week following “Welcoming America’s” model. We want these efforts to be removed from language that triggers white fragility or trivializes real issues and full of JEDI intentions.
How does Welcoming America, a leader in welcoming, define, and invite others into, welcoming?
“Being welcoming is much more than being friendly, tolerant, or peaceful. We believe that truly welcoming places have intentional, inclusive policies, practices, and norms that enable all residents to live, thrive, and contribute fully.”
And they are honest about why it can be challenging for people unlearning racist ways of being (we all are): “Being welcoming can be a challenge when communities undergo significant changes, but especially with demographic change. Whether it’s due to the economy, immigration policies, or climate disasters, communities experiencing an influx of newcomers may not be prepared, causing misunderstanding and tension, and in some cases, outright violence and hostility.”
These challenges are valid. For sure! BUT, big but, they are not indicative of the newcomers themselves. It is the responsibility of each individual to notice their own responses, reactions, challenges, and act from welcoming and look through the lens of equity, not react from their feelings and look from privilege. And to be patient with each other’s learning at the same time.
Otherwise at risk is the dignity of newcomers. If we don’t view newcomers as humans inherently with basic rights, they will not be given basic rights by society, and therefore, will struggle to thrive.
The difference we women authors feel between typical Anglo welcoming and true welcoming is RELATIONSHIP! (If you’ve been with JONAH any amount of time this won’t surprise you.)
Think about a time you personally felt welcomed. What was key in that experience? It is quite likely some element of relationship connection made the difference. When you receive services at a hotel, for example, a good experience is not just when the staff goes above and beyond to ensure you have what you need, but they ask your needs, validate who you are, get to know you. When you have a guest in your home
(who would you let enter your home?) can you not only find out what they like to eat, what makes them feel less homesick, and also connect with them? Maybe welcoming without connection, with no relationship, cannot be welcoming.
Maybe you’ve heard the term “white savior”. This references a good hearted practice of wanting to help others, with an assumption of knowing what “they” need, from a safe distance – a person wanting to rescue “others” from their troubles without actually learning from them about what those troubles are really like and it isn’t that person’s actual responsibility.
A useful question to ask when being helpful or welcoming: “Is there a hierarchy present?” Is one person or group seen as better, better off, smarter, more capable? To answer no means one is headed towards inclusivity.
Wanting to be welcoming is a good and noble thing and most of us consider us so and want to be. But we always have more to learn about most things. That’s ok! It’s why we need each other! If one wants to be welcoming, someone taught them it’s important. But if one wants to welcome another person, we have to learn from them what they need to feel welcomed.
Here is your call to action: If your intention is to be welcoming, can you seek to know how each person in your life would feel welcome? Can you show up to build relationships with “others” on an equal level? Can you seek to unlearn practices that are harmful? Can you see that welcoming is not one way of being but unique to each person everywhere?
Join us this September for Welcoming Week. Details and calendar at Jonah website link: https://jonahjustice.org/chippewa-valley-welcoming-week/
What is the benefit of reflecting on all this, unlearning bad habits, and learning new perspectives? Welcoming America says it well:
“When communities recognize the value of being truly welcoming and intentionally work toward the inclusion of newcomers, they can create a culture and policy environment where all residents feel empowered to work with each other in strengthening the social, civic, and economic fabric. When we find strength in our diversity — and actively resist fear and division — we can build a resilient community that fully harnesses the talents, skills, and contributions of every resident so that all can thrive.”